This morning the baby is a week old and I am actually feeling halfway decent for the first time. Halfway decent, of course, is a relative term, but I certainly wouldn�t trade it for any of the past few days of one-quarter decent.
Last Saturday, May 29th, at 1:00 in the morning I was asleep in bed with Zander. I had just been up to use the bathroom and was barely asleep when I felt something go. It was like I had peed in my pants. I remember waking up with a little gasp and thinking, �is this it?� and then running to the bathroom. I am very proud to say that my water broke and I didn�t make a huge mess like I had expected. After cleaning up and securing the undercarriage front, I went and woke up Zander.
With the false labor still lingering in both our minds, Zander was understandably skeptical. He urged me to come back to bed and try to nap a little. I lay down and within minutes started a contraction. Zander got up and quickly took a shower while I stayed in bed and just observed the sensations. At first it was just persistent cramping, but that quickly changed into pulsating pain that was getting more and more intense.
After an hour we called the doula and the obstetrician. They both urged us to stay at home for awhile and call back when I couldn�t talk through the contractions. At this point things started moving very quickly in me. I was on the couch bracing myself against Zander and the coffee table during the contractions. They were already incredibly painful, and I found a lot of comfort in moaning and breathing through each one. By the time the doula came I was too uncomfortable to be on the couch anymore, so she moved me to the birth ball. Although I was skeptical, the birth ball ended up being my salvation, and I labored on that until we left for the hospital.
By 5:00 I was in so much pain I couldn�t stay home any longer. All I could think about was that the hospital was where they had pain medication, so that was where I needed to be. I made my way to the hallway, and fell to all fours with another contraction. I told Zander and Debbie it was time to go and they both tried to convince me to stay home a little longer. I insisted, and they started gathering things together to leave. I considered crawling on the floor to the door but thought that undignified and got to my feet for the few steps out of the apartment. Within minutes we were out the door. I made it as far as the car before having another contraction, which again brought me to my knees on the pavement in the driveway. I tried not to moan too loudly but it was so intense! (when we came home the neighbors politely remarked that they had assumed the baby had come after all the �racket� they had heard the other night.)
The drive was uneventful, with me contracting and Zander hitting every red light between home and the hospital. He said that he considered running the red lights, but there were an unusually large number of police cars patrolling the streets for a Saturday morning at 5:00am.
Once at the hospital, after some confusion about parking, we were escorted up to the labor and delivery floor. I barely made it to the room before I had another huge contraction, which had me crawling on the floor again. I hardly remember much after this point, but they were very efficient in getting me changed into a hospital gown and directed to the bed. I jumped up on the bed and there I stayed for the rest of the labor. It is funny to me that I ended up stuck in bed during my labor after all the practice and positions we learned. In my head I had imagined us doing all sorts of different positions and movements to get through the pain, but in real life I was only comfortable laying on my right side with Zander�s hand firmly gripped in mine.
When we arrived at the hospital I was already at 6 centimeters dilated. This seemed impossibly closed to me, and I asked to be medicated for the pain. My eyes were tightly screwed shut and I was moaning, but I was told later that the whole team traded glances at my request, with Zander looking at the nurse, the nurse looking at the doctor, the doctor looking at the doula, the doula looking back at Zander, and then they all enthusiastically said �you�re doing great! Keep it up!� and ignored my request. This is when the murderous thoughts began.
After two hours of excruciating pain and the accompanying howling, the doctor checked me again and stated that I had just a rim left to go. While she was in the room I had two more incredibly painful, mind-altering contractions and suddenly I felt something was very different. She checked me again and stated me fully dilated and they all prepared for me to start pushing.
I pushed for an hour. While it hurt, it wasn�t nearly as painful as transition, which was a relief. I felt like my body was being ripped in two, and at times I was very frightened. The more I pushed, the worse that feeling got, but I was completely aware that I had to go through that pain to get to the end. There was no giving up at this point. In many ways, it felt like a huge sports event, like a marathon. I knew I had to push through the pain to get to the finish line, I had points of doubt and frustration and fear, but I endured and survived. Much to my surprise.
I never really felt what I was expecting. There was no ring of fire, just intense, painful pressure. My pelvis was opening up and that sensation was pressure and pain and even a slight bit of relief.
After the hour of pushing, I felt like my energy stores were all used up. With each push they had me grab my legs and lift my chin to my chest, and I felt my legs and arms and back growing weaker with each push. I was starting to feel as though it was never going to end when they told me to open my eyes and look down. I had been laboring and pushing with closed eyes. When I looked down and saw the tip of his head coming out I had new motivation. With just a few more pushes, his head was out. A few more pushes and his body slipped out. I felt an incredible amount of relief- the pain was mostly gone! The contractions were gone! The pressure was gone! There was a baby on my chest who looked a lot like Apache comic Drew Lacapa!
They left him on my chest as long as I wanted. They waited a relatively long time until they had Zander cut the cord. The obstetrician was wonderful. The whole experience was wonderful. After hearing all sorts of horror stories about the OB team we have and the hospital, it was a pleasant and welcome surprise to have such a positive experience.
Once he came out, we knew his name was Mahko. We knew he was perfect. The rest of the day I was on cloud nine- although parts of me hurt in a very serious way, my heart was full of love and joy for the new baby in our life and nothing could go wrong.