The boy is asleep and I was just reading digs until I was crippled with overwhelming grief. A longstanding member of the community just lost her child in an incredibly tragic, sad manner. Her unborn child was diagnosed with a fatal birth defect, and the baby died during childbirth. I can't stop reading her post, even though I know it isn't getting me anywhere to read it. The story is just so sad.

I'm having more and more trouble visiting digs. I've been posting there since 2000, and have probably racked up several thousand posts in total (even though my profile states otherwise). There are some people who I feel closer to online than I do my friends in real life. Unfortunately, many of these friends are enduring their own sadnesses around baby issues. When I read the posts on digs, I feel guilty. Our boy came so easily, and quickly. He is perfect now, and our struggle is so absolutely superficial in comparison to these other women. While I complain about crap like nighttime wakings and breastfeeding garbage, I can't help but think about the scads of women who would give their eyeteeth to be in my position. I can't take that pressure. If I could, I would give each of you a child. But if that meant taking away my own, I'm afraid I would have to bow out and find myself another place to share my life. His life is too precious, and I suppose I hate being reminded of that each time I log on to digs. Sometimes I just want to take things for granted.