yesterday my aunt died. it is very painful but I just can't talk about it. I was thinking of trying to get an emergency appointment with health services here but I am not sure about it now. I always chicken out.

my life is falling apart. I had an instructor tell me yesterday that I should not take any more doctoral courses and instead get a job as a staff nurse. she told me i needed to reevaluate my priorities.

beeyotch.

my priorities are all lined up. what is now?

a funeral

a breast biopsy

waiting for results of said biopsy.

a presentation the same day as the biopsy.

mourning my loss.

loving my family.

reading for class.

doing my homework.

performing well in class and at clinical.

worrying about whether or not I have breast cancer, while reading and talking to lots of people who do have breast cancer.

analyzing my data from the thesis.

writing an article for publication.

being sad.

trying to make sense of the racism and injustice in this world.

those are my priorities right now. they could change. nowhere on there is a bullet point stating that I desire to do poorly in class. what a crock. I will also avoid telling people that they are academic misfits when they are obviously dealing with more important issues. I left that bullet point out as well, Dr. Smith. so there.

and my aunt died. yesterday at 11:11 am.