I"ve been totally depressed this weekend. erg. from wild swings up to wild swings down, it's all been too rough lately. big weight gains, which I know shouldn't be such an issue but are, and grumpiness. sweets and I had a big fight yesterday which made me feel even worse. icky. like I need to take a long hot shower icky.

we went with friends to the Berkshires for the weekend and played in the snow. I know I should just be thankful that I have opportunities to do things like play in the snow in the Berkshires, but it was just all off. It could just be cyclic angst, or pressure from thesis preventing me from really letting go and having a good time, but I just wasn't able to relax and enjoy my time.

I'm sure this all sounds terribly shallow- wah wah, poor person sad about her vacation away, wah wah poor person can't stop eating chocolate so she can lose weight.... very not deep. but I think maybe I'm allowed to hang out in the shallow end sometimes.

So here's what I'm grumpy about:

1) I can't seem to lose weight. I've been steadily gaining for about three months now and there is nothing I can do to stop it. even when I religiously follow the duchess's diabolical plan I still gain weight.

2) I am way behind on my thesis. waaaaay behind.

3) I have been giving in to my severe phone anxiety and it's preventing me from doing things I want to do, like get a job.

4) sweets has been grumpy too and that makes me even grumpier.

5) my house is a mess.

6) i hate all my clothes. they are all too small for me since I've gained about 12-15 pounds in the past few months. although this morning my jeans aren't too tight.

7) I haven't gotten any exercise in forever, unless you count sledding as exercise.

8) blech.