Last night was bad. Sweets is out of town for a few weeks and I am alone in the house with the little catty cat. So I am not entirely alone, but the little catty cat cat can only purr and be loving but can't make me do anything about my life. Other than rub her belly. Which I cannot resist.

so anyway, last night was bad. After writing for the past two days that I thought I might be a little down in the doo doo it actually clicked that I- ME- this person writing was the person who was depressed. I hate even writing that word- it doesn't seem to do justice to what I am experiencing. So after suffering through another night of sadness, I did what I always do when I am upset. I went to the computer. My pacifier.

On the computer I looked up depression. There are a bunch of sites about depression- the one i wanted seems to be out of order, but I did a certain amount of cruising none the less. I did a lot of online quizes: "Are you depressed?" "Are you clinically depressed?" and my favorite: "how depressed are you?" The results were unanimous. I am depressed. seriously, clinically depressed. In fact, one site urged me strongly to call a health care practitioner immediately. But seeing that it was Sunday night, I thought better of that. Anyway, I guess I needed Nell Carter or perhaps Devine in my face snapping their fingers and singing to me that I need to get with the program. Maybe Oprah should join in the fun. "Girl, you need to get some help." they would say in unison.

ru-paul might make an appearance too.

My depression appears to have its own fantasy life.

So this morning I woke up determined to make some changes. I did a triple attack on the blues: I went to the health food store and stocked up on items that "cleanse." (eew) I went to the bookstore and bought two books on depression. (I almost had to ask for help to find the self help section, greschya!) Then I did a little retail therapy and bought some face stuff and a few t-shirts. I actually feel a lot better now, having done something about this terribleness I've been holding in.

I have a feeling I will be writing a lot about this in the next few days. unless it was just a temporary thing and it will pass. in which case I will find some other sad and boring thing to write about.