Saturday night. We're rushing around trying to find room for all those last minute things and I am again relieved that I mailed my wedding dress to the wedding site a few weeks ago. Right now the dress is about the only thing relaxing. We're drawn tight on rubber bands of worry- worry about fitting everything into our luggage, worry about how to get everyone to everywhere and when and why. Worries about how we're going to pay for this wedding. I think a lot of this worry is just masking the other worries we have. Worries about those 50% who end in divorce. The big stuff.

So this is the last you'll hear from me probably until after the wedding. I'll be back in here in two weeks as a married woman. (It's funny how that sounds. I am still doing things thinking "the next time I do X I will be a married woman.")

I was just washing dishes and a bad memory came back to me. I was remembering the last boyfriend ever- we can call him Dick. Dick had a few really irritating habits but I was sure then that he was to be my future husband. So a few minutes ago I was washing up the dishes after dinner and I looked at the sponge and instantly remembered how Dick liked to wash all the dinner cookware BEFORE eating dinner, because he didn't like having to clean it all up after dinner. I hated that because it meant the food got cold while he was washing the pans and we had to wait to eat. And then I got stuck washing dishes after every meal because I wouldn't participate in his pre-meal silliness. So I remembered that and it gave me an icky feeling.

Then it gave me a good feeling. Good because I am not married to Dick. Good because I am marrying someone I really love. Someone who's little things make him more enjoyable, not more of a Dick.

See you in a few weeks!

(the next time I write in this diary I will be a married woman)