When I worked for the AIDS Ride way back in the 1990's we used to joke about post-event let-down. That muggy feeling the day after an event when we had to go back to work and return everything to some semblance of normalcy. It was always really hard to wake up the morning after something big had happened- a great event, a big party or even the actualy ride and realize that now you and only you had to clean up. You had to clean up and put everything back in it's place and respond to all the people who had things to say (both good and bad) and make sure that so and so got their groove back and whatshisname only got stitches from his nasty fall. An ucky, muggy feeling.
That's what I have now. We got married. My grandmother died. I went to her funeral. I got sick for the first time in forever. And now I'm healthy again and stuck with an enormous amount of stuff and I just can't get excited about any of it. Any. The thesis seems like it will never be written. The schoolwork is a mountain of work that never seems to decrease no matter what I do. The clinical hours are all backed up and I have to make them up. The paper- oh the mountains of paper surrounding me and my desk and my bed and my couch and my kitchen table. All little bits of other people's lives asking me for something I am not really sure I can give them.
I guess I am just feeling blue. Before, it was okay to feel blue because at the end of the day there was another wedding gift to unwrap. But now, the gifts are all unwrapped and the boxes are taking over our foyer and the little stuffing popcornpeanuts are drifting around in the breeze. We have to write thank you notes and get rid of all the old stuff to make room for the new. Lots of cleaning.
Today is the first day it really feels like spring in connecticut. It was warm and breezy and I opened all the windows and tried to air out the apartment. But the apartment wasn't what needed airing out- it's my brain that needs airing out. A vacation to let it all sink in. A day without worries and paper and homework and stuffing popcornpeanuts. A break from the post-event let-down.