It's deep these days. I have to gather my brains up and stuff them into a tidy box and let them buzz buzz until they produce the work. I'm like a cat caught in a cage- there's something out there and I just have to pace long enough and it will come to me. there it is, just beyond the bars. just outside my reach.

so the brains buzz in their box and the body shifts restlessly awaiting the final result.

I'm trapped in my body these days. Everytime I run I am free and liberated and alive. but then, like clockwork an hour after running I get a nasty migraine. The worst kind too- the kind that are immune to any measures of comfort. They make me dizzy and squity and drooling and my brain just begs for escape. I feel sick yet eating makes it better. then I feel sick and sometimes the sick comes out the wrong end. and I still feel sick afterwards. trapped in this body of pain and if I could just chop off my head everything would be just fine.

I love to run. It feels so good. Especially now that I've lost weight, my feet don't hurt anymore, I can run further and longer and faster. I get the exercise I need, I feel great and now I am shackled by the knowledge that running will produce great, intractable pain in my brain.

On the other end, the brain is buzzing away. The thesis prospectus is due soon, the application for the human subjects review board is due, the brain is locked in its box being forced to produce and my body twitches away. wishing it could be running free outside with the birds and the flowers and the glorious long awaited sun.