It's been awhile since I last posted. It's not that I don't want to write, it's just that I've been spending eight hours a day in front of my computer writing my thesis prospectus. I'm still not sure exactly what a prospectus is, but I'm writing one. I enjoy the work most of the time, I just wish I didn't have to be limited by these things they call deadlines.

And I had finals.

And life has been crazy.

I almost passed out at the prison on Tuesday. It wasn't good- I was assisting with a little minor surgery and I just started getting really sweaty and everything was going black. little black dots covering my peripheral vision and slowly impinging on the central vision. I was leaning against the wall, propping my foot up on the little cage that is supposed to hold a fire extinguisher but doesn't and I just started getting sick. I thought I would pass out. I just muttered to my preceptor that I had to sit down and I left the room.

I had to sit down somewhere so I took my place in the first seat I could, which happens to be in the hallway where they seat the prisoners. Uk- I felt terrible. Usually I complain about how cold it is in that prison, but that day it was unbearably hot. I was sweating through my shirt, I could feel the moisture pooling in my bra. I had to rush to the bathroom because my stomach wasn't happy with the situation either. And for a very very brief moment I had a glimpse of what it might be like to be a prisoner. Because I was trapped in that building like everyone else.

There are about fifty locked doors that one has to pass to go from outside to inside. Each door is controlled by a corrections officer who sits behind a tinted glass window. They see you standing by the door and they buzz you through. In my sick state there was no way I could get outside for a breath of fresh air. No way I could get away from that heavy smell of humans- sweat, urine, cafeteria food. It all blends into this medley of odor that adds to the sickening feeling of stale air inside the prison.

And I was breathing it all in.

.

It took me about twenty minutes to return to a semi-normal state. I was so disappointed because I was supposed to suture up the prisoner after we'd removed his marble-sized cyst. I was nervous and excited by the opportunity and instead my sympathetic nervous system hijacked me. I was in the bathroom with nasty yuckiness while the prisoner was sutured up and I missed most of the procedure.

rats.

damn that epinephrine.

and ten minutes later I was giving a physical to the next prisoner in line. just like that life goes on. And an hour after that I was walking freely outside, breathing in the new air of that day. Feeling , just for a moment, like I had been set free.