I had another huge blow-out fight with my silly mother on Sunday. She always picks the worst times to call, and this time she was crying and upset about some friend of her mother�s who is also old and slowly dying. It was all very frustrating to me because I have no privacy in this house and I wasn�t in the mood to hear her irrational stuff about this random woman I�ve never met. More I just was not in the mood to deal with my mother that morning. Then, in the middle of it all she says �Now, don�t get mad at me or anything, but after meeting up with that random woman, I came home and the sweets had sent me an email with all those wedding photos.� (This was accusatory, like the email was sent to deliberately screw with her day. And damn, they were photos of her daughter�s wedding; I thought she would want to see them.) �And I looked, and there were all these photos of your father and your father�s family and there were only TWO of me.�

So she went through this website of photos and counted only two of herself. And she was upset because her photos weren�t included in the stack. And she didn�t count the fact that her family didn�t come to the wedding, so her family couldn�t have been in any of the photos because her mother was busy dying.

So she says this and before I can even say anything she�s back on to her own distress and how she can�t get a job and how her mother�s trust/ her inheritance is losing money in the stock market and her family is all fucked up and she just wants to move out of her town and this and that and this and that and so on and so forth ad lib.

Then I just blew up and told her I didn�t want to hear anymore about how alienated she felt at the wedding and how she got pushed out and how her life is so miserable. I just couldn�t take anymore of this garbage.

And when I got mad, instead of hearing me, she turned therapist. She wasn�t any old crying slob any longer, she was SUPER THERAPIST. She was telling me to let go of my rage and telling me to communicate my feelings and it pissed me off even more so I started saying really mean things, just to try to get a reaction.

So now we aren�t speaking. I sent her an email a few days ago saying I was sorry we fought and that I am wish �people� would stop being so critical of my wedding. She responded with this whole run down of the argument and how she felt I was too angry and she was only worried about my future and how my anger was going to wreck my life and all my relationships.

She seems to have missed a vital point. I�m not angry with everyone, I�m just angry with her.

I wish she would stop complaining and take action. I wish she would stop driving her credit cards sky high and start actually saving for her retirement instead of whining about how she doesn�t have a retirement. I wish she would just find a place and stay there long enough for me to be able to call her without having to check the palm pilot for her constantly changing number. I also wish she would stop unloading on me and stop criticizing my life all the time. I wish she would appreciate how fucked up my brother�s life is and spend all this energy trying to clear me of my �anger� on him and his �alcoholism.�

I�m frustrated with her inability to take positive action with her life. She complains and complains about her job, but instead of leaving the company she has transferred from office to office within the company, finding they have the same problems institution-wide. Duh. She and my brother are similarly half-assed about their lives- instead of doing; they just talk and talk and talk about how unhappy they are. I really hope if I ever do that one of my friends will smack me across the head and tell me to move on. And I hope I can listen if they ever do that.

Arg.

v