It was unbelievable. I wrote, and you answered. You answered in bulk and in content. I learned that the bad sound was from low power steering fluid levels. I was reminded (several times!) that the first year of marriage is not always wedded bliss. I read stories of your own angst. We laughed, we cried. I cried a lot.

I cried on the phone with my mother. oops- big mistake. She fussed and worried and did a little projecting (she thought our issues were all about control. my issues with my mother are about control, but many of the issues with my husband were really about poor communication.) She called my father. My father called me and lectured me. quit being such a butt-head, they said. that sweets is a good person. get over yourself. Make sure your little problems don't turn into big problems.

(remind me to stop whining to my mother when I have a bad day. she has a hard time separating the thirteen year old lola with the twenty nine year old lola. she panics. one of these days I will have to break it to her that we have sex. it will be a difficult conversation.)

But the most important thing that I have to say is that I shouldn't have aired my sweets irritation with the entire world. he read it and his feeling were hurt and I am truly, genuinely sorry. We needed to talk something fierce, and diaryland was the spark that lit that flame.

Sweets and I had a very long, honest talk on Friday. It was a talk we really needed to have. We went over a lot of points and worked out a lot of stuff. We communicated.

Last night I binged on pizza and ice cream so this morning I went for a run. I have shin splints and they hurt. It started out as a pretty good run, no toothpick feeling (this is when my legs feel like they are just little toothpicks, like pinocchio had his legs put through a pencil sharpener.) But midway through my calves started to burn. I kept running. I went through the park, sloshed through the puddles and ran. My legs burned with each step. The toothpick feeling never went away, even in the last cool-down steps before I came up the stairs to my apartment. It hurt, but it was good hurt, because I know that the pain only goes away if I keep running. Sometime soon, I will run and there will be no shin splints, as long as I keep up a consistent schedule. If I let too much time lapse between runs, the toothpicks come out of their little paper sheath yet again.

I sort of feel like this weekend was one of those runs. Painful, but in the end it was good pain. We worked out some really important stuff together. We learned that we just can't go without having these talks. If we let too much time go, when we eventually do talk the toothpicks come out and jab painfully into our emotional connection to another. We don't need that.

thank you, friends for being so supportive.

thank you sweets, for reading and being so honest. I'm sorry.