It's been awhile since I updated with what I consider a real entry. I've been cruising in now and then with little snapshots of my life, and I feel fairly unsatisfied with that. I want to be writing more quality stuff, more insight, but I just haven't had the massive brain hemorrhage of thoughts lately. I can safely say that my life is going very well, and that I am very busy. But I feel like those words are just a filmy little excuse.

I wonder if everyone has a certain degree of dissatisfaction with their diaries. I have had all these grand notions of what i wanted my diary to be in the past, and there are times and entries that make me feel very proud. But then there are the mindless checking-in entries that just skim over the surface fo my real life. You learn absolutely nothing about who I am when I check in to say "hi, really busy. cathc you later."

The diaries I like to read are the ones where people can creatively express both the mundane minutiae of their daily lives as well as the depth of spirit that keeps them alive, keeps them writing and thinking. I like the diaries where people tell stories that you want to read, and read out loud to whoever has the misfortune of being in the same room. I also like to read the diaries written by my friends here on the digsring, because I feel like I know you. I want you to succeed, I want you to follow through with those things you meditate over in this secondary world.

My own dissatisfaction stems from this nagging feeling that my diary is not necessarily one I would want to read. If you didn't know me, would you still hang on for the ride?

I suppose this is what life is about for most people. There are individuals who go about creating excitement, and then go about writing about their fun, funky times. But for the rest of us, life just cruises along at a tolerable rate and we check the correct boxes and cross the t's and dot the i's and look forward to the little bursts of action that happen to occur. As for me, I like adventure, I like unpredictability, but only when I am ready for it. I like to visit the haunted house occasionally, but I don't want to constantly have costumed monsters jumping out at me when I'm going about my daily life. Looking back at that sentence, it looks like I don't like suprises.

The thing is, my life isn't that exciting. There are exciting things happening in my life, but on a daily basis I can barely keep myself from watching MTV all day. I miss the party life, when we used to go out dancing and drinking and all those fun twenty-something sort of activities. I miss staying up really late and talking all night with random drunk people about random drunk things. But today, no. today I am dead tired. I feel kind of nauseous. I think my bed time will be right around 8:30, unless I get a huge energy spurt and manage to stay up until 9:00.

We had some great times, sweets and I. We're going to have great times in the future, but something tells me they will not involve taking random drugs and crashing strange parties. This is a different sort of adventure, the growing up kind.

So I take back what I said earlier. My life isn't really boring, persay. I just haven't quite grown into my new life is all.