Sweets and I have been going back and forth on a pretty big issue for about a year now. We've decided we want to move to New Mexico when we're done with school (as soon as possible) but there have been a lot of questions. In the meantime, my dad has been sending us announcements and phone numbers for different lots near his property. I'm ready to make an investment now, but sweets is a little less excited about the whole deal. Two weeks ago my dad came up with a proposition that we buy his property, and then my dad would live in the studio that is on the property and we would take the house. The catch is that this is something he wants to do sooner rather than later, due in part to debts and a divorce. My dad gave us two weeks to think it over and then wanted a response.

I've always wanted to go back home. I know that home now is very different from home then, but there are a few things that never change. My dad's property will always be five acres, the house will always have my baby teeth plastered into the walls, there will always be a draw for me to return to the place I was born. Sweets seems agreeable to the idea of us moving out there, except for a few issues.

So far, his biggest issue has been worries about the school district. I will be the first person to swear up and down that I would never send a child to the elementary school I attended- it was that horrible. I will also agree that private schools have their own set of issues. But I figure it will be a few years before the lentil is old enough to be attending schools, and a lot of change is underway right now in Santa Fe that could drastically change the public school climate by then. In other words, I am willing to make a leap of faith that everything will work out for the best.

The other issue is the idea that we'd essentially be moving in with my father on a somewhat permanent basis. I think this is a bigger underlying issue than we have really discussed. It brings up discussion about values and the entire concept of family.

When I think about this choice, I am happy. I like to think that the lentil might have a close relationship with his grandfather. I like to think that we could care for my dad when he isn't able to care well for himself. I grew up in the same town as most of my uncles and my grandparents, and I think the relationship and connection I have with them is closely related to the sheer proximity we shared during those years. My memories of always having grandparents nearby make me happy, and relaxed, and remind me so much of home. I like to think that I could give some of that stability to the lentil.

The real question is how close does one have to be to have that sort of relationship? Do we have to live on the same property and have dinner every night with my dad for all of us to have a connection? Or would it actually be better for us to just live in the same town and see each other on a weekly or monthly basis? During my early memory years, my grandfather shared a studio with my dad out at my dad's property. I used to love to go and sit and watch him sculpt and paint. We would sit in silence together, or he would tell me things about the sculptures. We had a great relationship. He would give me thirty five cents if I would sweep the stone dust out of the studio. Those were very good memories. Can I guarantee that the lentil will be able to have such memories and such a connection to his family just by being close in proximity to my dad?

Maybe I have too much bread in this basket. There must be something else there that creates that connection that I can't see. I'm trying to replicate my own memories instead of creating a new existance for this little guy.

We were having dinner with a some friends the other day and discussing the pros and cons to moving close to our families after school. The friends pointed out that this is one of the few places in the world where people don't seem to value or expect to live with their extended family. In fact, if polled I would bet that most of our peers expect to live in different cities than they grew up in, different cities than their parents.

After a lot of consideration, we decided to take my dad up on the deal. Who knows if it will actually turn out the way we expect, but as of yesterday morning (when I sent the email confirming our interest in the deal) the plan is for us to move in with my dad when school is over. My dad will add a small apartment to his studio and will move there soon thereafter, and we will take the big house. My son will grow up in the same house I grew up in. The one caveat is that we will have to find an alternative school than the current public school for him. nobody should have to send their kid to that school... nobody.

(meanwhile, jasmine the cat is very distressed by the current lack of lap in my lap and has decided that the belly makes a fine, if sloped, alternative.)