I know I've been gone too long. I wish I could say I was off doing something really exciting and glamorous, but in truth I was just slogging away at my schoolwork. I'm just trying to stay afloat here.

We just put the boy down and he's already crying. sigh. Some nights it works and some nights it just doesn't. He likes to nurse all night long, so we're trying to break him of the habit. Break him is a harsh way to put it, perhaps coax him out of the habit is more accurate.

Before the lentil came I had these lofty ideals about how I wanted to have a family bed and nurse on demand and only speak to him in gentle tones. We were going to have him signing basic ASL by six months. He was going to nurse exclusively as long as possible. Now that he is six months, it's time to reevaluate.

He moved out of the family bed just two days shy of his six month birthday. My back was just frazzled after night after night of constant nursing. He would start to nurse, requiring me to stay in one position, and he would just nurse on and off all night long. Imagine sleeping in one position for six hours, with a very sensitive part of your anatomy attached by suction to someone else's mouth. ouch. And every time anyone moved in the bed he would wake up and want to nurse some more. I wasn't getting any sleep. Sweets was sleeping in the study. Something had to change. So we returned from an overnight trip to providence and moved him out of the bed. Very good. Now he wakes up a lot during the night, usually five to seven times a night, but when I'm in bed I can actually sleep. My back feels much better, and I am better able to deal with life's stresses. I always move him back to the bed at around 5 am, because that buys me another hour or so of slumber, but that's all good. Nice compromise.

He started solids on his six month birthday too. He seemed to do really well at first, but as is typical for him, now he isn't as interested. The lentil always does this- he will learn some new thing and do it really well, then he just quits. It's fascinating. He meets his developmental milestones, but then he just gets bored with them and backs off after a few days. It's not a big deal, because he is doing so well anyway. It is just so much fun to feed him new foods, I wish he was more enthusiastic.

Tonight, when I put him to bed he was so asleep when I carried him to his crib he was just floppy and cute. It was just a special moment for me. There is really no feeling quite like having a baby nestled in, close and warm and cuddly. He is so special.

I've been thinking about how much I love him and want to protect him. He is so devoted to me and to sweets. I can see why people want to bottle up this age and keep their babies baby forever. He just makes me feel important, with all that unconditional love and trust. Parenting is heartbreak, I understand now. But it is so sweet at the same time. I know that he will someday be a sullen adolescent or a reckless young adult or he will marry a woman who I will have to work at appreciating or whatever comes our way. It's a good thing we have this foundation of positive light, to carry us through and warm us in the deeper, darker caverns of our future. May our future be more of light and less of dark, and may our boy live a long and happy life.

cheers.

and amen.