day 10 of the cancer researchers training program. My little stint in Portland is almost over- I will be back in connecticut on sat. morning. that will be a bit of a relief.

I've been having a very good time here, but I am ready to go home. Sweets was gone for two weeks and we just had two nights overlap before I left. It feels a bit like we've been apart for the entire month. He has been the dreamboat husband though, sending me letters care of the hotel and everything. I am very lucky. I think I am the only one here who has been receiving real letters from home. His letters are great too- he tells me all about his days, which makes me feel a little like I am there with him, for the brief moments I am reading.

While here, the big d-thing hasn't been much of a problem. a relief, to be sure. I am worried though, that I will return to CT and it will meet me at the airport. maybe waiting for me at baggage claim, hiding mischievously behind sweets' legs. I am not sure what I will do if that is the case. What I hope is that the sun will be out, the skies will be blue, and my life will start to look up. I hope that I will get off that airplane and sweets will be there without any impish devil lurking and the heaviness won't be there. In fact, it goes beyond hope- it extends into desperation. please let me be okay. please don't fall back into blue seas. let the good feelings of being in portland follow me east.

it's not too much to ask. the uncertainty is driving me bananas.